Breaking the Cycle

I've started this post in my head numerous times but never found the time to sit down and actually write it. So, here goes nothing.

For most adults, at least most adults I know, a night out with friends or a Christmas party or a date night usually involves some adult beverages. Whether it's wine, beer, cocktails, etc., alcohol is usually involved and looked forward to. Not for me.

When I was younger, I definitely indulged in drinks and there were certainly nights that I had too much. But as the years have gone by, I find myself less and less interested in alcohol. When I was pregnant and nursing, I loved that I couldn't drink. When people asked why I wasn't drinking, it was a great excuse to pull out the "I'm nursing" card. I still am nursing once at night, but it's hardly an excuse these days. I miss that.

Because the truth is, I don't like drinking. I mean, I like the taste of some drinks - mixed drinks and some wine - but I have no desire to drink. Like ever. I much prefer to scarf down a giant chocolate dessert than drink alcohol.

So why did I drink when I was younger and I don't now? Well, as I've gotten older, I have come to realize that pretty much every member of my family struggles with addiction. For some, it's alcohol and for others, it's drugs and/or cigarettes. And then there are those who hit the trifecta and are addicted to all three. It seems to be a common thread in my family and that scares me. It terrifies me to my core.

It's not that these addictions are just starting to surface, but I never noticed them when I was younger. I do now, and when I think about things that happened in my childhood because of alcohol and drugs - the physical, emotional, and verbal abuse I witnessed (still witness) and was a victim of - I simply want nothing to do with it. Addiction obviously runs in my family and I am absolutely terrified of it latching onto me. I will not be controlled by any substance (except chocolate...chocolate never hurts anyone; it just makes them fat). I will not let my children experience or witness the abuse I did. I will not let them see me struggle with an addiction and the subsequent depression. The cycle of addiction and substance abuse ends with me.

Last year, my mom attempted suicide as a result of depression and substance abuse, and that only confirmed for me that alcohol just isn't for me. I never want my boys to see me in the hospital like that. And I never want to see it again myself.

I have no problem with others drinking, or being around it. I just don't desire it. Without knowing my story, most people don't understand, and will continually offer me drinks even after I decline. So I usually come up with some kind of excuse or plan on being the DD. The funny thing is that Dave is not a big drinker either; sure, he drinks sometimes, but it's pretty rare. Usually at a work party or BBQ, but that's about it. Just like I prefer to indulge in desserts, he prefers pizza and Mountain Dew. We go together nicely that way.

So there you have it. Why I don't drink. Now, if I'm ever at a party at your house, you'll know you don't have to offer me a drink; just bring me a brownie.

A Morning in Alden

Saturday morning, Dave and I took the boys to Alden. I try to visit each of "my boys' towns" at least once a year and we hadn't been to Alden yet this year. (Check out last year's visit here.)

There isn't a ton to do in Alden, but I know there's a playground and a train park. And, well, if that was all we did, I think the boys would have been perfectly happy. But I read online that the old depot was having a model train show (similar to Traverse City's Festival of Trains in December), starting at noon. I figured we could try to see that.

We first hit up the playground and were there approximately seven minutes before Alden fell off the play structure and scraped us his face. Great start the day. 

After that, the boys went on the swings for pretty much forever. They could swing all day. Eventually, we peeled them off and checked out the excavator that was nearby. 

There is a spice mill in Alden that has a fun little garden to walk through and some porch swings to try out. Of course, the boys had to try out a swing or two. 

Alden sits on the beautiful Torch Lake, so after walking around the spice mill, we walked on the dock of the boat launch. The boys were very interested in watching someone put their boat in the water. And then we walked to the Depot Park.

At the park, there is a train engine and caboose (connected by a large deck) that kids can climb on. That was a big hit, just as it was last year.

As it turns out, the train show wasn't supposed to start until 1:00, so we figured we would miss it. But the boys didn't even know about it, so they wouldn't know they missed anything.

The park has a beach access so the boys had to check it out and throw rocks for a bit.

By that point, it was lunch time, so we went to the Alden Bar & Grille for some pizza. I could have eaten the entire pizza myself, but I limited myself so that I stuck with my 21 Day Fix diet. The boys barely touched their pizzas (probably because they just had a few snacks at the park). They didn't know what they were missing!

After lunch, we decided we would go check out the train show. But in the three minutes it took us to get there, Alden fell asleep. So Dave stayed outside with him while I took Leland in to check out the model trains and to play inside the caboose.

I was happy that Dave could go with us this time. We often do most of our adventures during the week when he's at work (1. Because we're tired on the weekends, so we tend to just chill out. 2. Because places are way less crowded and busy during the week), so it was nice to have us all together, enjoying the day as a family.

Brothers and Best Buds

Last week, we had a play date with our friends, Fischer and Otto (and their mom, Magi). We met at a park to play, but the boys quickly discovered a nature trail in the woods and so we began an "epic adventure" (Fischer's words - he is too funny).

For much of our walk, the big boys ran ahead of us, while Alden tried to catch up and Otto stuck with us. 

But there were some very sweet moments, such the big brothers holding the littles' hands. The cuteness nearly killed me. 

And when Alden asked Leland for a hug. Oh, my heart could have burst!

This! Makes my heart so happy. 

We eventually made our way back to the playground and the boys all had fun on this tall slide. 

Naturally, I had to join them. 

All four boys wanted to sit on the swing together and even let me take a decent picture!

This is what summer is made of. Epic adventures and making memories with awesome friends. 

Pool Day

Last week, Julie (our former daycare provider) invited us to come swimming at her apartment complex's pool. I was a little nervous to take both boys by myself, but I had a big talk with Leland before we went about the importance of being a good listener and helping with Alden, and they both did great.

When we went to Lansing earlier this summer, we swam in the hotel pool, but it wasn't very fun for me. Alden wanted to run around the outside of the pool (not cool with me), and Leland was afraid for anyone to let him go, even though he had his puddle jumper. I'm okay with some healthy fear of the water, but it was very difficult when Leland wanted me or Grammy to hold him the whole time.

This time, they both hung out on the steps for about 15 minutes. They would jump to me, but then wanted right back on the steps, which was fine. No crying/whining, and no running around - I was cool with that. Then they slowly started getting more comfortable and before long, they were both swimming around by themselves (I was nearby, but they didn't need to hold onto me). Leland swam all over the pool and Alden swam right next me. It was perfect.

We had a little poolside picnic as well.

A big thanks to Julie who not only invited us to swim, but also documented it all in pictures. She loves taking pictures, and if you know me at all, you know I'm obsessed with pictures. I love that she got some shots of me with my kids; that never happens without me having to ask.

Another Beach Day

I finally have my computer back, which means easier blogging, and I can use pictures from my real camera, not just my phone. This post will include both.

Sunday morning, the boys and I headed out to Leland again for some beach time. Dave stayed home because he hates the heat (weirdo), so my mom and my sweet friend, Kristina, came with us. We had such a fun morning. I'll let the pictures tell the story.

Alden found the 45 minute drive to be a bit much for him.

This usually only happens if we're driving after 11:00am, on our way home for lunch. Not on the way to our destination.

And then we arrived. Man, I love all of the amazing beaches in and around Traverse City. Lake Michigan is beautiful.

Lots of waves that day. Leland loved it!

Alden was a little more shy about the water. He wanted to be right next to one of us, if not in our arms. He was unsure about those waves.

After a little water play time, we took a break for some sand play. And snacks.

(Side note: I did get a Cheese Shanty sandwich that day and it was AMAZING!)

My sweet baby

And then we played in the water some more.

I was so happy to get this picture even though the boys weren't looking. I never get to actually be in the picture.

After the beach, we headed back to Fishtown for some ice cream at the Dam Candy Store.

The boys got strawberry (Leland picked it because it was pink).

Alden knows we don't waste ice cream.

I sure love all these summer adventures with my boys. I'm glad they're always up for whatever activities I have planned for the day, unlike their party pooper of a daddy (who actually had good reason to skip the beach, since he had spent an entire week working in 90 degree temps and needed a day in the comfort of our air-conditioned home).