One Month Well Check...

Today was Leland's one month check-up. Here is his report...

He now weighs 7 lbs. 6 oz. (10th percentile), which is a 2 lb. gain since he left the hospital.

He is 19 3/4 inches long (3rd percentile...perhaps he'll be a shortie like mom).

And his head is 36.2cm around (25th percentile).

The doctor was pleased with all of this, saying that it's good growth and she's happy he's even on the chart, considering his gestational age is only 39 weeks.

The nurse asked me if he soothes himself. HA! Yeah, of course he does. He soothes himself by crying so mom will come pick him up. I guess that is something I should work on, but I so enjoy holding him and soothing him myself.

I asked about his jaundice, because he still looks a little yellow, and she said that's totally normal and she's not concerned.

The doctor heard a slight heart murmur. She assured me that it's barely there and most people probably wouldn't hear it. She said that it could be an "innocent" murmur, which will go away. Or, worst case scenario, it could be a pinhole in one of his ventricles or valves (or something...obviously, I'm not good with anatomy) that will heal itself. She said she will listen again next time and if she still hears it, they will do an ultrasound. She told me over and over that she is not concerned and that I shouldn't be either. It's a little hard not to worry, but I'm trying.

And finally, Leland had to get the Hep B shot. We didn't get it at the hospital, so today was the first one. I was nursing him when he got the shot, so he only cried for about three seconds and then got back to eating. Next month, he has to get more shots...no fun!

Update on Breastfeeding...

I wrote a post recently about how breastfeeding was difficult for me, with Leland being a preemie. Well, it's definitely getting easier, so I thought I would update.

Before, I had to limit Leland's time nursing to 30 minutes (to help him conserve energy so he could gain weight), and then I was giving him 70cc (just over 2 ounces) of breastmilk in a bottle. And THEN I had to pump, which took about fifteen minutes. And he was supposed to eat every three hours. Basically, each feeding session took about an hour and fifteen minutes, which was EXHAUSTING. Worth it, but exhausting.

Well, I was given the go-ahead to start lessening the amount in Leland's bottles to 50cc and to allow him to go four hours between feedings if he could. But I still needed to limit his nursing to 30 minutes. So I did, and Leland started nursing better, due to waking up on his own to eat and eating less from a bottle.

Then this week, my Healthy Futures nurse said I could lessen his bottles even more to 30cc (1 ounce) since he's gaining weight just fine and this would encourage him to nurse better. Also, she said I didn't have to limit his nursing anymore. Since this change, Leland is nursing much more vigorously for 25-40 minutes. He then takes his 1 oz. bottle. However, I think he would probably be fine without the bottle, so at his well-check this week, I am going to ask his pediatrician if I can eliminate the bottle.

In my other post, I also mentioned my frustration with pumping. Not only is pumping somewhat annoying and time consuming, I was also concerned about my milk supply. Since changing our routine, I am getting nearly twice as much milk when I pump than I was before! And since he's taking less in the bottle, I have that much more to save. On average, I've been able to freeze about 12 ounces a day. It's also taking less time to pump.

I took a minute to actually look at the milk in my freezer, and discovered I don't think I need to worry about my milk supply anymore...

...That's over 50 bags of milk and each bag contains 6 ounces!

I have been told I can start to eliminate some pumping sessions, but I haven't yet. I want to wait until Leland is nursing without needing a bottle.

It looks like my hard work of pumping every 2-3 hours round the clock is paying off. I am so glad I stuck to that schedule.

So, basically, breastfeeding is no longer difficult for me and my little man. And while pumping is still not my favorite thing, it's MUCH better than it was.

Newborn Photos...

For your viewing pleasure, here are some of my favorite photos from Leland's newborn shoot...

One Month...

Dear Leland,

You are one month old! I cannot believe that a whole month has gone by already. It has been, by far, the best month of our lives, and each day just gets better and better.

You are such a sweet little boy. You love to be held, which is no problem for me or Daddy because we just want to hold you all the time. Some may say that we’re spoiling you by holding you all the time, but I think the truth is that you’re spoiling us. We just can’t get enough of you. You still love to lie against my chest, and I love to just snuggle and sniff {Yes, sniff. You smell so good!} you for hours and hours. And I could seriously kiss you all day long {I pretty much do – gotta get those smooches in before you’re “too big” for them}.

You make the cutest faces. You pucker your little lips and it’s just the most adorable thing ever. You also smile a lot in your sleep and when you’re nursing. I think that’s my favorite.

You’re a pretty even-tempered little man. You don’t cry unless you’re very hungry or gassy {which, unfortunately, has been quite a bit lately, which is so hard for me to see you in pain}. Sometimes you cry when you get your diaper changed or when you’re getting out of the bath tub, but it’s only for a minute until you feel warm again. In general, you’re pretty much always content, and if you’re not, it’s not hard to calm you.

You’re nursing really well these days, and also taking a bottle right after. You are pretty much eating about every four hours, although sometimes you decide you’re hungry after three hours. You’re getting into a pretty good routine.

You get the hiccups ALL THE TIME, which is actually a sign of reflux, but you don’t seem too bothered by them.

You decided last week that you don’t really love your bassinet. When I lay you down, you go right to sleep, but you usually don’t stay asleep in there for long. You like to be right where we are at all times, so when you wake up, I bring you into our bed and you sleep great until your next feeding. You also will sit and sleep pretty well in your bouncy seat, which is a new development in the last week.

You have changed and grown so much in the last couple of weeks. It’s amazing to me that you don’t look like a brand new baby anymore. Your cheeks look chubbier and you’re filling out quite a bit. Your wrinkles are pretty much gone, which means you’re getting some meat on your bones.  At your weight check a few days ago, you weighed 7 pounds! You’re growing so fast!

You are wearing newborn clothes and diapers, but your newborn clothes are almost looking too small. It won’t be long before you’re in 0-3 month clothes. (In the pictures at the bottom of this post, you are wearing a 0-3 month onesie.)

You tolerate tummy time pretty well. We only do about 5 minutes at a time a few times a day. Sometimes we do it on the floor and sometimes with a boppy pillow. And sometimes you practice while you’re lying on mine or Daddy’s chest. You’re doing such a great job with it; Daddy mentioned the other day that you seem to be able to control your head a little better.

Leland James, you have brought so much joy to our lives. We love you so much and even though we weren’t expecting you so early, we’re so glad you’re here. We can’t imagine waiting for you any longer. You are our whole word, little one. Always know how much you are loved.

Love, Mom

Not thrilled when we started out, so Mom decided to make it quick.

The Difference A Year Can Make..

One year ago today, Dave and I had our first ever ultrasound. I was 11 weeks pregnant and our lives were full of excitement.

I took this picture the day of our ultrasound.

However, the ultrasound didn't go as we had hoped; it showed an empty gestational sac, or blighted ovum. Our doctor explained that we had a fertilized egg, but that I had miscarried early and my body never quite got the hint so the sac kept growing. After another week and a half, it was still growing, so I had to have a D&C.

That day and the following days, weeks, and months were the worst of my life. I was devastated, and although I found comfort in my faith, I thought I would never be happy again. I continued to go to work and family functions and everything I did before the miscarriage, but I was not myself. I was unhappy and honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life that way.

When I found out I was pregnant again in June, I was excited, but also terrified that I would miscarry again. When my pregnancy progressed into the second trimester, I felt some relief, but was still nervous. I spent much of my pregnancy worrying. Not many people know that, but much of my pregnancy was spent worrying if the baby I was carrying was still alive, worrying that I would miscarry or that he would be stillborn.

As thrilled as I was to be expecting a baby, I still wasn't quite myself. Talking about my pregnancy with some people made me uncomfortable. I still put on a fake smile quite often. I was happier than before, but not happy yet.

My miscarriage turned my entire world upside down. For almost an entire year, I plastered on my fake smiles and prayed with all my might that things would be ok. And now, one year later, by the grace of God, things are ok.

Today, one year after that devastating day, I sit and stare at my precious baby boy, and I finally feel like myself again. I have a permanent smile on my face, and I don't have to fake it.

I am me again. I am happy again. And I can't put into words how wonderful that feels.

What a difference a year makes.

"For I know the plans I have for you are good. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Feeling Accomplished...

I'm feeling a little bit like Super Mom today, so I need to share about my day.

Leland woke up at 6:00am. I fed him and then pumped.

Between 7:00 and 9:00:

I washed Leland's bottle and my pump parts.

I showered, did my hair and make-up (This is only the second day since he's been home that I have done all three. It's usually just one or two).

I ate breakfast.

I boiled potatoes for potato salad.

I started a load of laundry (which I totally forgot about until now, so I'll have to go put it in the dryer soon).

I organized a few things in Leland's closet.

I gave Leland a bath.

At 9:00, he ate, but I skipped pumping for the sake of getting going on our errands.


Between 10:00 and 12:00:

Washed Leland's bottle.

We went to my school to drop off some paperwork for my maternity leave.

We went to Walmart. I had to return a couple of things and pick up a gift for a baby shower this weekend.

We went to my doctor's office to drop off some paperwork that they need to complete for my maternity leave.

I forgot to get Dave a birthday present (his birthday is Friday, so I guess I still have time)

We got home at 12:00 and Leland ate and I pumped.


Between 1:30 and 4:00:

Washed bottle and pump parts.

I ate lunch.

I made potato salad.

I snuggled my sweet baby and we took a little nap together.

At 4:00, Leland ate and I pumped.


At 5:00:

I made dinner and ate dinner.

And now I am snuggling my wee man (and thinking about how I should go finish the laundry).


There are two things on my to-do list that I didn't get to today (Dave's birthday present and a visit to the bank), but I must say I'm feeling mighty accomplished today. This wouldn't have been possible if Leland wasn't such a good napper today. Sometimes, he doesn't nap well by himself - he likes to be held.

Babies Don't Keep...

I love this poem, so I thought I'd share.

Babies Don’t Keep

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo.

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew,

And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo.

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

I must say that I am certainly rocking my baby as much as possible, because I won't be able to rock him forever. Let the laundry pile high to ceiling; it's not like it's going anywhere.

To Co-Sleep or Not...

Before we had Leland, I decided I didn't want to co-sleep. I didn't want to have a baby that was dependent on me (or anything else) for sleep. I wanted our baby to have healthy sleep habits and, to me, that meant sleeping by himself.

Besides that, I also worried that there wouldn't be room in our bed. We have a queen size bed, but Dave's a big guy and I'm a bed hog (like, whoa!). I didn't think there would be space for another living thing in our bed, and even if there was, I was sure I would roll over on him or something.

A final reason for not want to co-sleep is that I didn't want a one or two year old (or older) child that needed to sleep with his parents. By starting him in his own bed from the start, I thought we could avoid that issue.

Key word in all of that: thought.

Now that Leland is here, things are much different than I ever thought.

During the day, Leland pretty much sleeps in my arms. Unless I have to do laundry or dishes or something, I'm holding him all day. I hate putting him down. Eventually, I will have to get over that, but for right now, I am enjoying every single second with my baby. During the day, he sleeps 3 to 4 hour stretches inbetween feedings.

At night, I put Leland in his bassinet and then go to bed. This is when it gets tricky. He sleeps fine in his bassinet for about an hour, maybe two. Then he wakes up. He doesn't seem hungry though - just acts like he needs to be comforted. I have tried to just snuggle him and then put him back in his bassinet, but he just doesn't sleep well after that. Which, of course, means I don't sleep well after that. And he also doesn't nurse well after that - I think because he hasn't rested enough (remember, nursing is still difficult for him as he's so itty bitty).

Sometimes, I am just too tired to put him back in his bassinet and get up 18 more times before his next feeding, so I bring him to bed with me. It's against what I previously thought, but it's all I can do at 3:00am. And, to be honest, we both sleep better when we sleep together.

I have kind of decided that I have to be more flexible with my "no co-sleeping" rule. I will continue to try to put him in his bassinet, because it is important to me that he is able to sleep by himself (What will happen when he goes to daycare? Or if I can't hold him during the day?). But after he wakes up and seems to need comforting, I will co-sleep. The space thing hasn't been an issue. I don't put him between Dave and me, because I am certain Dave will crush him because he sleeps through EVERYTHING. I put him on my side of the bed, with my arm around him, so he can't roll off (though when he actually starts rolling, I may have to figure something else out).

I am no longer "against" co-sleeping, but I'm not necessarily all for it either. I am somewhere in the middle. I love co-sleeping - I love every second that I can be so close to him. But I want him to be a healthy independent sleeper later on, and I honestly believe co-sleeping can hinder that.

I guess I don't have an answer for whether to co-sleep or not. I'm just doing what works for us, which is a mixture of both.

Unbelievable...

Sometimes, I just sit and stare at this face...

...and I am in awe.

I can't believe (first of all) that he's here already! Today, I would have been 37 weeks pregnant. I was sure that I would be one of those women that gets to 41 weeks and has to be induced. It is still unbelievable to me that he's here and will be three weeks old tomorrow!

It is unbelievable to me that this little face belongs to my baby!!!

I have a baby! I'm a mom! And he is just the most precious thing in my world. I loved him before he was created. I loved him even more when I was pregnant. I never imagined that my love could grow any more. But it does every single second.

I am so blessed that I get to snuggle this sweet babe and stare at his adorable face all day long, and that I get to call him mine.

Smiling in his sleep.

THAT. FACE!

I die. I die.

Breastfeeding a Preemie is HARD...

I have always planned to breastfeed my baby. I looked forward to nursing and providing all of the nourishment my little one would need all by myself. I read books about it. I talked to friends about it. I knew how this thing would go, and I was ready. I was sure that I would have this over-abundance of milk like my sister did.

Then I had a preemie. I wasn't able to hold my baby right after he was born. I wasn't able to hold him skin-to-skin (which helps stimulate milk production) until he was fourteen hours hold. And I wasn't able to put him to breast (which helps encourage him to nurse and again helps with milk production) until he was over 30 hours old.

Instead, I was given a pump and told to pump every three hours. I was given a chart to keep track of how much I was able to pump, and the chart said to pump every two to three hours for 10-15 minutes. Being the over-achiever that I am, and being so committed to breastfeeding, I pumped every two hours round the clock for at least 15 minutes, but sometimes more. I set the alarm on my phone to wake me up and I pumped and pumped until there was nothing left to pump.

And then I was put on a strict time limit. I could only try to nurse for 15 minutes and then he had to take a bottle or use his feeding tube. I understand the reason for all of these rules, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with any of it.

Now that my sweet boy is home, I am still pumping like crazy. I pump immediately after I nurse, which is difficult to do when your baby wants to be held. I would love to just relax and snuggle my baby after he eats, but I have to pump. I definitely get more milk - way more - when I pump right after nursing or snuggling him. Pumping sucks. It's boring (because you can't do anything else while you're pumping), and it's ridiculously time consuming. It takes 15-20 minutes, times 8-ish times a day...that's a lot of time holding two suction cups to your boobs.

I have watched videos and researched online how to improve my milk supply. I have talked with lactation consultants. I drink lots of water. I eat oatmeal (and I hate oatmeal). And sometimes I get a lot when I pump. Sometimes I get 120cc (which is about 4 oz). Then sometimes I get 30cc (which is about 1 oz.). There is no consistency, but I'm making enough for his bottles each day and sometimes I make enough to freeze for later.

I am thrilled with this. But I am afraid that when he starts eating more, I won't have enough. The hospital sent me home with some formula "just in case" and I really don't want to use it. Not that there is anything wrong with using formula; I understand that some people choose to use it and some people are unable to nurse and have to use it. It's great it either of those cases. I was just really hoping to solely breastfeed for his first year.

I have been talking with a lactation consultant, who is actually my Healthy Futures counselor (not sure if counselor is the right word, but whatever). She has assured me that my production is good and will increase as he eats more. However, she also said that it will take continuous effort on my part. It is possible to have a good milk supply and solely breastfeed him, but it will not be without hard work.

I'm not trying to complain or be negative. I am simply being honest. I feel like so many people are not honest with how hard certain aspects of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting, and I don't want to be one of those people.

Here's my point of this post: breastfeeding isn't easy, but so worth it. I am so thankful I have been as successful as I have been.

And my other point: pumping sucks. Big time. Hate it. A lot.

Not Tonight, Honey...

Sometimes after I finish feeding Leland in the middle of the night, I bring him back to our bed to snuggle for a few minutes until I put him in his bassinet. And usually after his 6:00am feeding, I just keep him in our bed and Dave and I just stare at him and hang out until Dave has to get up for work.

This morning, however, Leland was sleeping so soundly that I decided to put him right in his bassinet. I know that he still really needs his rest, so since he was completely out, I figured he must be really tired {usually he's awake for a few minutes after a feeding}.

So there I was, laying in bed, about to fall back to sleep, when I felt something rubbing me. It was Dave. Rubbing my boob. All I could think was, Seriously? This is not happening again anytime soon. Didn't he hear the doctor say that we can't do that yet?

I said something along the lines of, "Are you trying to make me leak all over the place?"

Dave paused for a second and then said, "Oh, I thought that was him!"

Ha ha! He thought he was rubbing Leland's little tush! We both about died laughing!

Our NICU Stay...

I kept a little journal during Leland's NICU stay so that I could remember what happened during those first few days. All of the days sort of ran together and it's hard to keep them straight, so I'm glad I took some brief notes to remember the big events of each day.

Day One (birthdate)
-Nurse: Julie
-Weight: 5 lbs. 7 oz.
-Low blood sugar twice
-Put on Dextrose (to raise blood sugar) and antibiotic (to prevent infection) via IV
-Couldn't hold him until 5:00pm - saddest thing ever
-Could touch him in his isolette, but couldn't stroke or rub him

First picture of him in his isolette

Sweetest face ever

FINALLY holding him!

Our first NICU "home"

Day Two

-Nurse: Julie
-Weight:5 lbs. 3 oz.
-Blood sugar stable (one low), still on Dextrose and antibiotic
-Started nursing/bottle feeding
-Latched on, but had a hard time eating - was too tired to eat much

Totally looks like Dave here

Sleepy boy

Day Three
-Nurse: Julie
-Weight: 4 lbs. 14 oz.
-Taken off Dextrose and antibiotic (no IV!!!)
-Better nursing/bottle feeding, but was too tired to take full feedings
-Put on feeding tube - only needed it once
-Bilirubin level 14 - put on phototherapy light
-Bath Day - we got to give him his first bath
-I was discharged from the hospital- hardest thing I ever had to do was leave my baby in the hospital

I cried and cried when I saw him like this. I didn't know that they had put him under the light or put in the feeding tube and it was just a lot to handle all at once. I thought we were taking steps backward, but the nurse then pointed out that he was off his IV, which helped me feel better.

Bath time!

Day Four

-Nurse: Beth
-Weight: 5 lbs. 3 oz.
-Bilirubin level 12.5 - still on phototherapy light
-Feeding tube needed a few times
-Only allowed out of isolette for one hour during a three-hour period, then two hours in

Daddy holding him

Day Five
-Nurse: Julie
-Weight: 5 lbs. 3 oz.
-Moved to different area of NICU
-Bilirubin level 8 - taken off phototherapy light
-Nursed really well, but still too tired for full feeding - needed tube a few times
-Moved to crib instead of isolette (Which meant I could hold him as much as I wanted!!! And, trust me, I did!)
-Got to wear clothes!

Our second NICU "home"

First time wearing clothes

Day Six
-Nurse: Kathy and Julie
-Weight: 5 lbs. 4.4 oz.
-Moved to small nursery in the NICU, called Intermediate NICU (also referred to as the "going home room")
-No tube all day - nursed and bottle fed really well
-Bath day again
-Nurse Kathy kept calling him Lanford (isn't that the name of the town in the show Roseanne???) Now Dave calls him that all the time.

Our last NICU "home"

Second bath

He sure loves his sleep sack! He sleeps like a rock in it!

Day Seven
-Nurse: Autumn and Michelle
-Weight 5 lbs. 5 oz.
-Leland pulled out his own feeding tube in the middle of the night - the nurses didn't replace it (good sign!)
-Car seat check - they had us bring his car seat to check it for safety and to show me how to adjust it. Then Leland had to sit in it for 90 minutes (he slept the whole time) so that we could make sure he fit comfortably in it.
-Meeting with Leland's medical team (nurses, doctors, social worker, lactation consultant). They said he should be home by the weekend. I was happy to hear he would be home, but this was on a Tuesday, so I was really sad that it might be three more nights without him. I was depressed and crying all night. I was okay with him being in the NICU if he needed to be there, but now it seemed like he didn't need to be, so I just didn't want him there anymore.

Car seat check

Day Eight
-Nurse: Michelle
-Nurse told me first thing in the morning that she thought he was ready to go home as long as I was ready to take (BOY, WAS I READY!)
-Dr. St. Charles reviewed his chart and said he was good to go!!!
-Hearing test
-Blood test
-Did hand prints and foot prints for his baby book
-Had to call pediatrician office to make appointment for Friday
-Dave and I watched an infant CPR DVD. I am already certified, but didn't mind the refresher and Dave appreciated seeing it as well.
-WE WENT HOME!!!

Waking up...BIG stretch!

All dressed and ready to go.

In the car, snug as a bug, and on our way HOME!

Home at last, in Daddy's arms.

I could hold him...

...and stare at his sweet face FOREVER!

The NICU nurses and doctors were amazing. They took great care of my sweet boy and of me as well. It made it just a little bit easier to have him there. However, as wonderful as they were, I hope I never have to have another baby in the NICU.

Welcome home, my precious boy. Welcome home.