Stay-cation Day One

It's Spring Break, y'all!

I have been looking forward to this week for about a month now. Not because we're going on some fancy vacation to a tropical paradise (though that would be amazing). But because Dave took the week off and we're going to have lots and lots of family time. But first...a couple of fun date days.

Dave and I don't have date nights very often. Partly because of money, and partly because of babysitter availability, but mostly because of me. I work about 45 hours a week, and my kids are in daycare 9-10 hours a day Monday-Friday. I miss my kids and my family time all week, so I really cherish our nights and weekends together. I know that alone time is important in a marriage, but we really just don't want to be away from our kids.

Since we're both off for the week, Dave and I decided to take the boys to daycare for two days so that we could have a date day or two. We originally planned to do lunch and a movie on one day, and the other day just lounge around and take naps all day. But then we decided to split up the lunch and movie into two different days. We didn't want to rush from lunch to a 1:00 movie, and we knew if we ate lunch, we wouldn't want to get popcorn - and we love us some movie theater popcorn.

Today, we took the kids to daycare in the morning and stopped at the new doughnut shop in town. Then we ran some errands and I got a new "diaper bag."

Several of my friends have been using the Patagonia Atom sling bag as a diaper bag, and I had to jump on the bandwagon. First, because I hate how big and bulky my diaper bag is - it doesn't fit under any stroller, and it's a pain to carry around. Second, because this is hands-free. About a month ago, Dave's boss gave him $100 in gift certificates to use at any downtown store or restaurant, so he graciously used some of it to buy my new bag.

After running errands, we had lunch at Bubba's - a restaurant downtown, which means it was free with Dave's gift certificate. Dave had a burger, and I had steak tacos - delish!

And because I am always game for dessert (sometimes the only reason I eat the meal is for dessert), we ordered a slice of oreo pie.

AMAZING!

And after lunch, we went home and enjoyed a nice long nap before picking up the boys. We missed the boys big time, but it had been so long since we were able to spend some time just the two of us, and we really enjoyed some alone time.

New Leland-isms

Leland's vocabulary is growing literally every day. And he is speaking more and more clearly as well. When he started at Julie's about 5 weeks ago, I made a list of "Leland-isms" so that she would know what he was talking about. Like, when he said ew, he meant orange, green meant blanket, and ee-poh meant open. Since then, almost all of the words on that list are now spoken so clearly.

He now has some new Leland-isms that are so fun. And he also has some new phrases, that while they are easily understood, are still so funny. Such as...

He says shampoop for shampoo, which I find absolutely hilarious.

He says woowick for music.

He blames all of his pooping and farting on everyone: grandma, grandpa, mama, dada, kitty, baby, etc. Cracks me up every time.

One of his favorite books is "Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site." It's all about saying goodnight to the construction vehicles, but in the middle of the story, there's a guy yelling at the trucks from a window saying, "Hey! Pipe down!" This is now one of Leland's favorite phrases.

If you ask Leland "Who's the boss?" he'll say "Daddy boss." Can you guess who taught him that?

When he first saw the white noise machine in Alden's room on Friday, he got all excited and said, "New thing! New thing!" There's a music setting on it along with white noise, and Leland likes to turn it on and dance. 

Leland loves to sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider. But he now thinks all spiders are called bitsy spiders. Like the book "The Very Busy Spider" by Eric Carle - he always says he wants to read "Bitsy Spider" (which does sound like "Busy Spider," but he is definitely saying bitsy. 

On Saturday, the sun was actually shining for the first time what felt like years, and he kept saying, "Yay sunshine!"

He likes the song "Rockabye Baby," and every time I hold him like a baby in my lap, he says "Bye Baby" over and over until I sing it. 

Oh, how I love that boy.

Hallelujah!

I think we have figured out a recipe for getting Alden to sleep a little better. He was starting to sleep slightly longer (went from 2 hour stretches to 2.5 hours), and then a couple weeks ago, it started getting worse. And worse. And worse. Until he was getting up every half hour from 7-11, and then every 1.5-2 hours after that.

It was awful. I was so exhausted, crying through his feedings, and really just losing my mind. But I didn't know what to do. Co-sleeping had always been the answer for him - just let him sleep with us and he slept fine. Which meant I slept fine. But he started hating co-sleeping. He would kick and punch all night, and was really restless. He seemed like he really wanted his own space. But he wasn't enjoying the spaces we were offering. The rock n play, which was a happy place for him for a couple months was no longer working for him. And the pack n play wasn't his favorite either. He woke up instantly when I would lay him down in it.

I moved the mat on the pack n play so that it was on the bottom instead of in the bassinet setting. I was thinking that maybe it would feel more secure to him, since it wouldn't wiggle around so much. It did help a little - he slept for 20 minutes in it.

I moved the pack n play to his own room, thinking perhaps he would sleep better if he wasn't right next to me. A little help. But still horrible sleeping in general.

I had been thinking about starting him on cereal, but was worried about how his tummy would handle it. I started Leland on it at around 5 months, hoping it would help him sleep better. It didn't, and it ended up making him constipated. I didn't want to deal with that this time, so I was putting it off. In my desperation, I decided to try it. He liked it, but it didn't help him sleep. It didn't constipate him though, so we're still giving him cereal (oatmeal, actually) about a half hour before bed.

Then I thought I should try swaddling him again. I used to swaddle him at night, but it got super annoying to unswaddle every time he needed his diaper changed. But since part of his sleeping issue is that he scratches at his head, swaddling seemed like a good way to prevent it. And swaddling helped a little too. He calmed and fell asleep much easier. And thankfully, his diapers seem to last all night now, so I don't need to worry about unswaddling him (he does that himself a couple of times a night - he's a regular Houdini). But he was still getting up a lot.

I was at a loss. I asked Julie if he naps okay for her, and she said he usually does. She said that she swaddles him, puts him in his pack n play, and turns a fan on. The fan. The fan! Duh! So many people swear by using a fan or noise machine in their kids' rooms. I hate white noise when I'm sleeping, so I never tried it with my kids. But it was worth a shot - I was desperate.

So Friday afternoon, before I went to visit my grandma, I stopped at Kmart to look or a desk fan. They didn't have what I was looking for - the smallest fan they had was still pretty big and was $40! Ummm...no. I grabbed a white noise machine instead ($15...much better).

I was amazed at the difference the first night we used it! Alden slept longer than 2 hours! It was unbelievable! The second night was even better - 3-3.5 hours each time. Amazing.

He still has a weird habit of waking a half hour after he first goes to bed. (Goes to bed at 7:00, wakes at 7:30, then sleeps for 3+ hours). And after that first stretch, he has a hard time getting back to sleep. Both nights, he has been up from 11:00-12:00. But after that, he sleeps for three hours or more at a time and doesn't have any difficulty going back to sleep.

So, this crazy long post to say, that my kid is sleeping. By himself. For a decent stretch of time. The recipe is: sleeping in a pack n play, in his own room, swaddled, with a white noise machine on.

We still have some improvements that can be made, and I am confident that now that things are working for us, it will continue to improve. But for now I am just happy that my kid is sleeping.

My kid is SLEEPING! HALLELUJAH!

Chivalry Is Not Dead...

Sometimes I wish I lived in a time when men were gentlemen. When they opened doors for women, paid the tab, and defended a lady's honor without being reminded. Like it was just the thing to do.

Dave does some gentlemanly (pretty sure I just made up that word) things sometimes, but it's not exactly a regular thing after over a decade together. But so many men have completely forgotten - or were never shown - how to be a gentleman.

I plan to teach my sons how to be gentlemen. To cherish women and treat them with respect, and to put women first.

Well, my friends, it appears that Leland has already learned how to take care of a lady. A few days ago, I was picking Leland up from daycare, and my friend Sarah was picking up her daughter. She told me that Leland stuck up for her daughter that day. Then Julie told me about it.

Apparently, one girl bit Sophie (Sarah's daughter), and Leland - who adores Sophie (or "Fophie" as he calls her) - took it upon himself to defend her. By pulling the other girl's hair.

I have mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, it was really sweet to hear that Leland cared so much about Sophie and wanted to take care of her. It was somewhat chivalrous of him, and that makes me proud. On the other hand, you can't defend one girl by beating up another. Don't be jerk, man.

Alden's Dedication

"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given to the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:26-28

This past Sunday, Dave and I stood up in front of our church and promised to raise Alden in a Godly home. To raise him to know and love the Lord. Our church does infant dedications twice a year, and we were excited to participate. Funny how it doesn't seem like that long ago that Leland was dedicated (at nine months old).

The dedication is a pretty simple service at our church. It's not as formal as an infant baptism. Actually, after the dedication, they did adult baptisms in a big tub in the middle of the church. But the dedication is pretty easy. We signed up for the dedication just a few day before (just like we did with Leland), so not many family members could make it. But we so appreciated those that could come, and I was happy to also see a student and her family as well as a co-worker. 

Here are some pictures that my sister-in-law took. (I wasn't thrilled with how my waistline looked in the photos, but oh well. Someday it will be summer and I can start running again.)

We can't get our kids to look the same direction very often, but I still love this photo.

With Dave's parents

With my brother Jim, his wife Melinda, and their daughters Ella and Madeline

We hadn't been to church in a while before the dedication, but being there reminded me of how much I miss going. It is really hard to get there with both boys, and I worry/feel guilty about leaving them in the daycare during the service. I feel like they spend enough time away from me during the week that I don't want to miss any more time with them than I have to. But I love our church and I'm hoping we'll start to go more regularly again.

And Then My Heart Burst...

While I was making dinner the other night, I turned around to see this sweet interaction. Leland loves to play with Alden, and Alden loves to watch Leland, but I am rarely able to get a photo of it. This time I got several pics!

(Yeah, all the pictures are kinda the same, but each one has something special, and I couldn't help posting them all.)

Leland laying on his pillow, just chatting with his brother.

"Look, Baby. Toys."

I love the way Alden looks at Leland. He simply adores his big brother.

Both smiling.

Both giggling.

My boys. My heart.

Nothing better than seeing my precious boys having fun together.

How to Take an Active Toddler to a Nursing Home...

Last week, after some time spent in the hospital, my grandma was moved to a nursing home. The plan is that she'll be there for three weeks to get physical therapy and she can hopefully go back to her assisted living facility. If she's not ready for that, then she will probably move in with my mom. She's not enjoying this nursing home. It's a nice facility, but she's not getting the care she's used to and she's very sad and lonely. 

I want to visit her as much as I can, but working 45 hours a week (and last week being conference week), and having two young children, means the only time I can really visit is the weekend. I had planned to visit her this weekend, but then found out that Dave had to work on Saturday, so I wasn't quite sure how that would work with both kiddos.

Thankfully, my mom was there at the same time we visited, so I had some help.

Here are some things we did to entertain my very active and inquisitive toddler.

I brought snacks. My Girl Scout cookies were delivered earlier Saturday morning, so I brought a sleeve of Thin Mints for us to share with Grandma. Cookies go a long way with keeping Leland happy.

I also brought some crackers and water.

Leland rode the walker. My grandma's walker has a little seat on it so Leland enjoyed sitting on it while my mom or I pushed him around. He also pushed my mom in it for a bit.

He enjoyed seeing a bird and some fishies on his travels. And all the residents loved seeing him too.

My mom would push him around for a while, and then bring him back to my grandma's room for a few minutes, and then she would push him around again. While she did that, Alden and I visited with Grandma. Grandma says she likes to hold Alden because he's so happy. She said other babies cry when she holds them, but he just looks right at her and smiles the whole time. He knows what's up - he knows she's special.

He played. At one point, they had been gone for a while, so I decided to take Grandma to find them. I pushed her in her wheelchair, and we found my mom and Leland playing in the physical therapy room. Leland was having a blast playing with the balance balls, pushing walkers, and climbing on the steps.

Leland climbed up on this bench thing, laid down, and said, "I go night night." The residents thought that was adorable.

After we played in the physical therapy room for a while, it was time for Grandma to go to lunch, so I packed up the boys and we headed home. 

We had a nice little visit with Grandma. I'm looking forward to seeing her more over spring break (Just one more week!). I wasn't sure how nice it would be, considering having to bring both boys, but with a walker, a helper, and some cookies, we did just fine.

Things that happened this week...

Twice a year, I have conferences at school. A time to meet with my students' parents and tell them how wonderful their babies are. I really, truly enjoy conferences, but they make for very long, tiring weeks. Thus, I haven't visited the ol' blog much this week.

But here are some things that happened while I wasn't here...

My grandma was moved to a nursing home for physical therapy. She has been falling a lot, and spent some time in the hospital last week/weekend. So she is in a nursing home right now, and it's not going very well. She is very sad and lonely, and I don't think she's getting the kind of care she's used to at her assisted living home. I wish so much that I could visit her every day, but I simply can't. But I am going to visit this weekend.

Visiting Grandma at the hospital last weekend

Leland learned Dave's name. On the way to daycare, he said, "Dada work." I told him, yes, Daddy was at work. And he said, "Dada Dave." He said it over and over, and I found it hysterical.

I got my hair cut. I've been going back and forth trying to decide if I wanted to grow my hair out long, keep it just "sort of long," or cut it. It used to be pretty long, and I really liked it. But every time it starts to get a little long, I remember why I cut it. It's so much more work, and it always just hangs there. I am blessed/cursed with super straight hair; doesn't hold a curl at all. So it's kind of boring, and heavy, when it's long. So I cut it. I love it. But I'm sure I'll try growing it out again, because that's what I do.

Leland bit me. He has never bitten anyone before, but last weekend, he was angry about something and bit my arm and left a bruise. Later in the week, he bit a kid at daycare. I know that this is a common thing with toddlers, especially when they don't have the vocabulary skills to deal with conflicts, but I hate that Leland has bitten anyone. I really hope he never does it again, because I know that he is such a sweet boy and really doesn't want to hurt anyone.

I put my shirt on inside out one morning this week and didn't even notice until Dave pointed it out. Yeah...I need some sleep.

My baby started sleeping even worse. I didn't think that was possible. I don't know what to do with this kid. Part of it is hunger, but part of it is also comfort and the fact that he WON'T STOP SCRATCHING HIS HEAD and it seems to keep him awake. I seriously don't know what to do.

My cat ate all but one of Alden's pacifiers. He stole them off the counter and we found the nipple pieces in the basement. Little punk. 

I finally saw Catching Fire. We rented it last weekend. Now I am dying for Mockingjay to come out.

I ate a lot of chocolate.

And that's really about it. It's an exciting life I lead, I tell ya.

Five Months

Dear Alden,

My precious boy, you are five months old.

A lot has happened this month. Last week, you rolled over for the first time! First, from back to belly, and then seconds later, belly to back. Since then, you have done the belly to back a few times, but I haven't seen you do back to belly much.

You started a new daycare. You and your big brother started going to Julie's. You both are very happy there, and Julie and the other kids seem very happy to have you there.

You had your four month well check a couple weeks late. At that appointment, you weighed 16 lbs 6 oz, which puts you in the 63rd percentile. And you measured 25.75" long, which puts you in the 67th percentile. You are wearing mostly 9 month clothes and size 3 diapers. You are a big boy and so heavy, but you don't look chubby. Your weight is proportionate to your height.

You are very interested in what's going on around you. Your eyes followme wherever I go and you love to watch your brother play. 

You are still a bit of an awful sleeper. Your sleep stretches (if you can even call them stretches) have gone from 2 hours to 2.5 hours most nights. So it's getting a little better, but you've got a long way to go, little one. And you generally always wake up at 4:30 to nurse, which means that by the time you're asleep again, it's 5:00 (which is when I get up). You're lucky you're so adorable. Your beautiful smile and general sweet self make sleep deprivation a little easier to handle.

Speaking of sleep, you don't like co-sleeping anymore. You squirm and kick and seem to want your own space. But you don't seem to like the rock n play anymore either. I think you want to lay flat and all by yourself. So we pulled the pack n play back out and we'll see if you like that better. It doesn't matter to me where or how you sleep; I just want you to SLEEP.

You still scratch the heck out of your face and head. The doctor said to try hydrocortisone cream in case your skin is itchy, but I don't see a difference when we use it so I'm thinking it must just be a self-soothing technique. 

You continue to be the happiest baby I have ever seen. I can't get over how happy you are all the time. The only times you are not happy are when you're hungry or tired. You smile all the time and you're not stingy with giggles either. You love to be tickled.

You love to be naked. When I get you ready for a bath and pick your nakey self up, you get so excited. You giggle and squeal, and it's seriously the most adorable thing ever.

Each day, I fall more and more in love with you. You are an amazing and wonderful gift to our family, and I am so thankful to be your mama.

I love you forever, my sweet baby.

Love,
Mama

An Alden Story

Before we started considering the name Alden, I had never met another child with his name. It's the name of a very small town in northern Michigan, but I had never met a person with that name.

In the middle of our baby name debate, I learned that a student at my school is named Alden. And he actually is in the classroom next to mine. 

A few days ago, I met this other Alden. He was working in the hallway with a small group of kids and I saw his name on his paper. I told him my son's name is Alden too, and he said, "I know. My mom told me. Did you just like me so much that you named him after me?"

Ha ha. He is really cute, but I didn't name my baby after him. 

Then he told me that the name Alden means "old friend" and he said that he and my Alden will be old friends.

I would like that. For my Alden to be old friends with another Alden.

Hey, You Guuuuys!

Last night, a friend of mine posted this on facebook.

In case you're unaware, that is Sloth's (from The Goonies) head on a toddler's body.

My friend said that, while sometimes kid pictures are cute, sometimes he finds them ugly. Specifically pictures of kids with food all over their faces or making strange expressions. And he complained (jokingly?) about how some people ONLY post about their kids. I took it pretty lightheartedly - I'm not easily offended - but I couldn't help but comment on it. I admit that I am totally that mom that posts about her kids all the time. I would apologize for it, except that I'm not sorry. My boys are my whole world. While a school story or two might be interesting sometimes, my facebook would be completely boring without my children.

Anyway, I admitted to being one of those moms, but I also said that my kids simply don't fit into an "ugly" category.

My friend commended me on being brave enough to comment. Apparently not many others did. He said that my kids go back and forth for him on his ugly scale because they can be cute, but then I post things like this spaghetti face picture, and he doesn't find it cute.

Again, I didn't take offense. I honestly don't care if people think my kids are cute or not. Because I think they are beautiful. And I adore the spaghetti face pictures. If I didn't, I wouldn't take them in the first place, let alone share them with the world.

I totally get that kid pictures aren't for everyone. Kid pictures are my thing, and I still sometimes see some that I don't love. 

The thing is that when I see a picture of my own kids, even if it's not the most attractive facial expression...

Oh, that pouty face. He has it down!

I see absolute, pure perfection. Every.single.time.

So, sometimes, you're going to see pictures like this...

funny expression

And this...

drool/spit bubbles

And this...

bed head/paci 

And sometimes, you might see more more "polished" photos...

But no matter what you see when you look at my photos, all I see are two beautiful, adorable, perfect boys. 

I see the "imperfection" in these photos, and love them because they are real life. They are real moments in time. We're not always neat and clean, and we're not always flashing a perfect smile. Sometimes we're messy and sometimes we're crabby, and sometimes we just woke up, and sometimes we just make silly faces. And sometimes, a picture is "frame-worthy." But no matter what, they are beautiful. Maybe not to everyone, but definitely to me.

(I really believe that my friend was trying to be funny, while also complaining/making fun of moms like me. I found it funny because I used to think the same thing. But then I became a mom. I look forward to the day that he becomes a parent and posts a gazillion pictures of his kids. Regardless, I took it all in good fun, and I fully intend to continue to post constantly about my kids.)

Bath Fun...or Not

Once upon a time, not so long ago, Leland LOVED bath time. He couldn't wait to get in and would play until the water got cold (or even after). Getting out of the tub was a fight every time.

Then, out of nowhere, about three weeks ago, he suddenly hated bath time. I put him in the tub and he completely freaked out. He wouldn't sit down and kept trying to climb out. So I gave him the quickest scrub down ever, rinsed him off, and called it good. I thought maybe he was just tired. 

But the next bath night, it happened again. And the next one after that. 

This is pretty much the face I got when I tried to put him in the tub.

So one night, I climbed into the tub with him. He thought that was fun. Dave thought it was weird. Maybe it is, but the kid needs a bath. Rinsing with water just doesn't cut it - he needs his little tush to soak in the water, you know? He still didn't want to be in long, but I least he could get a thorough cleaning. 

(Side note: I nearly died laughing when Leland asked me "Mama penis go? Where go?")

One night last week, he dragged the baby tub in and willingly took a bath in it. But that only worked once. After that, I had to climb in with him again. 

Then the other night, after I finished washing him up, I got out of the tub and he actually stayed in it. He finally played and enjoyed bath time again. 

Much better!

I don't know if the "hating bath time" stage is over or not (tonight is the next bath since we do every other night), but it was nice to see him have fun in the tub again. 

Kids Say the Darndest Things...

The last few months have been so much fun watching Leland learn and grow. His vocabulary has exploded, and he now says many 2-3 word phrases. And he repeats a lot of what we say.

Some of the things he says are simply cute and sweet. Like, a few weeks ago, Dave's mom gave Leland a little pillow with a pillow case that she made. Leland loves this thing and every time he snuggles up with it, he says, "Grandma make."

And some of the things he says crack me up, like now that he's at Julie's daycare, we drive by China Lee, a Chinese restaurant, every day. Dave frequented this particular place a lot last summer on the days I was working. Leland must remember it because every time we pass it, he says, "Dada food," and the other day he said, "Dada Chinese."

Oh, and he also has started blaming his flatulence on others. Whenever he passes gas, he says, "Mama fart. Dada fart. Grandma fart. Baby fart." That's kind of hilarious.

Seeing him talking so much is adorable and so fun.

But there are times when all of this talking isn't such a good thing. You see, Dave and I have potty mouths. People are pretty surprised when they hear me swear, as I am pretty good at censoring mine - with my job, I get used to not saying bad words around certain people (like my children). But I have been referred to as a sailor from time to time. Dave, however, has no filter. Working in construction, he doesn't have to censor himself, as he is surrounded by profanity all day. He just lets words fall out of his mouth without thinking pretty much all the time.

 Like last night, when the cat puked all over the living room, and Dave shouted "Oh, f*ck!"

Wouldn't you know, Leland started running around the house repeating that little phrase. Dave and I ignored it, thinking if we paid any attention to it, it would only entice Leland to say it more. Sure enough, he stopped, and we were hopeful that by today he would have forgotten that phrase.

Until this morning, when Dave (AGAIN!) let the F-bomb slip, and Leland proceeded to walk around the house saying, "Oh, f*ck. Oh, f*ck," over and over again for a good 5 minutes.

Well, Dave, looks like it's time for you to develop that filter.

The Week That No One Slept...

It's no secret that I've been sleep deprived for the last few months. Alden's sleep is ever-so-slowly improving, but we're still up every 2.5-3 hours at night. I'm getting used to just being tired all the time, but this week has been difficult.

Leland developed a cough (again) over the weekend, so all week he has been getting up 2-3 times a night from coughing. Dave has been great about getting up to help get him back to sleep (Dave is usually impossible to wake up) but I still can't sleep when he's up. I can't block out the noise - it's a curse.

Along with Leland being up at night, Alden had a couple of nights where he was up every half hour. Yes, every.half.hour. I think he was having some tummy issues because he hadn't pooped in a couple days, and that was keeping him up.

Wednesday, I honestly thought I was going to die from exhaustion. Wednesday is my day at school where I don't have any breaks until 2:45, so I am going, going, going all day. It's a LONG day, and after three nights of pretty much no sleep, I was starting to lose it.

Last night, Alden finally pooped and was able to sleep better. And Leland's cough has started to improve, so he was only up once last night, and not for very long. So we finally had a decent night's sleep, and we all had a much better day today than previous days.

Now it's Thursday night at 9:30, and I should be in bed. But it's Grey's night, so I'm staying up later, and will once again be tired tomorrow. At least tomorrow is Friday, which means only a half day with students. So, I don't need energy ALL day - just until noon. And after Friday, it's the weekend, which means NAPS! Long naps with my babies.

However, it appears that Alden may be coming down with Leland's cold/cough, so it looks like next week may be a repeat of no sleep (Which is fine with me, as long as Alden's cold/cough doesn't get too bad. I'm nervous that he might get RSV like Leland did at his age.).

Sleep is for the weak anyway, right?

My Favorite Person...

If you've been reading my blog for very long, or if you follow me on instagram (rcnowak), then you probably have seen a photo or two of my Grandma Josie.

Grandma Josie and me in New York City - March 2007

Grandma Josie is my most favorite person in all the land. She was the BEST grandma when I was growing up. She lived about two hours north of Traverse City, in a cozy little house on Douglas Lake with my Papa Ralph. My brother, sister, and I used to spend a few weeks with them every summer. We would play cards, do crafts, ride the boat, and swim at all hours of the day and night. It was a pretty amazing way to spend our summers.

And Grandma Josie is just the most wonderful person in the world. She is funny and kind and incredibly sweet and loving. I adore her more than I could ever put into words.

Playing cards - me, Aunt Patty, my sister Colleen and her son Rafe, and Grandma

A few years ago, after my Papa passed away, my grandma started having health issues. She has Parkinson's Disease, which took a major toll on her body. She had always managed just fine, but after Papa passed, her health started to decline. Parkinson's not only took away a lot of her independence, physically, but it really started to mess with her mentally as well. She would have hallucinations and talk to people that weren't there. For example, a few times, she called the police because she said people were having a party at her house in the middle of the night and wouldn't leave - but she was home alone. It got to the point where she just couldn't live by herself anymore, so she moved to an assisted living facility in Traverse City, where she could be closer to her kids and grandkids.

My wedding - my mom, Grandma, Aunt Patty, me, cousins Maggie and Hayley, and my sister Colleen

While we all miss the Douglas Lake house and our amazing times there, we absolutely love having Grandma so close. We used to only see her a few times a year (while Douglas Lake is only two hours away, she and Papa lived in Florida November-May), and now we can see her almost as much as we want.

Celebrating Grandma's 80th birthday
Me (just a few weeks before Leland was born), Grandma, Colleen, and my brother John

One thing that I always hoped for was to have children of my own while Grandma was still alive. I know that she won't live long enough to have really close relationships with them, but I wanted my kids to meet her, and I wanted her to hold them. Someday, if I ever have a girl, her middle name will be Josephine, after Grandma Josie. Actually, if Dave will go for it, I would love for it to be her first name, but there's no sense even talking about it right now; who knows if we'll ever have a girl.

Grandma and me at my baby shower

Grandma holding Leland - she was actually the first person to hold him besides Dave and me

Every time I see my grandma, even if it's only been a week or two since the last time, she seems a little older. A little less "able" to do things. Each time I see her, I can tell that her body is failing her. She has been using a walker for a few years now. It used to be just for walking long distances, but now it's for walking just across the room. She's not too steady on her feet anymore, and it's so hard to see. Thankfully, though, she still seems pretty with it mentally. She has her moments where she's really confused, but mostly she's still Grandma.

Leland's first Thanksgiving

This weekend, I took Alden to her place for the afternoon. She adores her great grandchildren, and was so happy to see him. I love to see her interact with my boys and my nieces and nephews. She held Alden for a while before he started to get fussy. Alden loved visiting her as well. His eyes fixed right on her and he gave her lots of big smiles. And my heart swelled.

(I left Leland at home because it was nap time, and no one wants to hang with Leland when he should be napping. It was nice to have some quiet time with just Alden at Grandma's though.)

Holding Alden at her Halloween party

I count my blessings every day that I have had 29 years so far with my grandma. Many people don't get that much. I know that we probably don't have many more years with her, and it completely breaks my heart. But I am thankful that she lives close enough that we can spend time with her like we do. I hope we have enough years ahead that my kids will remember her. But if not, I make sure I take lots of pictures.

Our visit this weekend