Not an Only Child, but I Feel Like One

I don't often write about my family - my parents, brothers, and sisters. There's plenty to tell, and I think most things I could share would be completely entertaining. The dysfunction can be both hilarious and heartbreaking. Something has been tugging at me lately to share some of the dysfunction of the last year or so. Maybe just to get it out there, as a form of therapy, or maybe I feel like it will give some insight into myself. I'm not really sure why, but regardless of the reason, here's a tidbit about my dysfunctional family.

There was a time when I felt really close with my family. I felt like my sisters (real sister, stepsister, and sister-in-law) were my best friends. My younger brother and I weren't incredibly close, but we loved each other. I babysat his daughter (back when he only had one, now he has three) regularly, and we had plenty of laughs when we were together. I had four siblings and I considered them friends.

Then...

On Christmas Day of 2013, my younger brother and his girlfriend (and baby mama of three) told my mom they never wanted to speak to her again. They wanted nothing to do with her ever again because they claimed she abused their daughters. While my mom and I have a bit of strained relationship, I do not believe for a second that she would ever hurt any child. She had a home daycare when I was growing up, spent time with us kids and our friends, babysat my cousins, and worked in a public school for years. She cherishes children, especially her grandchildren, and just would never, EVER harm anyone.

My brother and his girlfriend had no proof, but stuck to their accusation (and still stick to it today). As you can imagine, this has been devastating to my mother. Her youngest child, her baby, cut her out of his and his children's lives, and made horrible accusations. He even involved the police. My mom was interviewed by detectives, as were my sister and I, and she took a polygraph test, and the case was thrown out. Because it's absolutely ludicrous.

Since then, my family has pretty much disbanded. I stopped talking to my brother and his girlfriend because they are clearly insane. After accusing my mom of such craziness, they accused me (publicly on Facebook) of knowing about it and "defending the wicked." They are freaking looney tunes and I can't have that in my life.

My sister stayed in contact with them for a while, and at times went back and forth between whose story she believed, which meant sometimes she talked to me and and sometimes she cut me out. My stepsister stayed close with them and has since stopped talking to me. She and my mom never got along, so I think she was somewhat happy to have someone to hate my mom with. She found an excuse to be angry with me almost a year ago (she was offended that when our school was closed for pertussis, I called it a pertussis holiday) and hasn't let that go. My stepbrother and his wife still talk to me, but we are not as close as we used to be. We used to hang out weekly and now we barely talk. I haven't seen them in months. There is no "bad blood" there, but it's definitely a different relationship.

Two years ago, I had a large family. I had four siblings, four siblings-in-law (or close enough), nine nieces and nephews, fun family events (trick-or-treating together, beach days, Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter, birthday parties, etc.). Now I feel like an only child.

None of my siblings has had a family birthday party in two years. We have not had a family holiday get together. We have barely talked. My mom, as any mother can imagine, has had an incredibly difficult time dealing with all of it. She has reached out to me and my sister to try and regain some of the relationship that was previously lost. Right now, I still find my relationship with my mom difficult, and I really don't know why. Perhaps that will be addressed in a later post. But regardless of our relationship, I am heartbroken for her and what she is going through.

My sister just contacted me about two weeks ago to get together and it went well. I think we may be able to get to a better place like we used to be. And with work (though I don't even know what work), perhaps my mom and I will be close again someday as well.

It's really hard to have four siblings and yet feel like I have no family. I have Dave's family, and I love them dearly, but it's not the same as having the people I grew up with. It's been difficult to say the least. Every day, I thank God for Dave and my sweet boys. I know my family will never be the same - how does any family recover from something like this? But I get to have my own family and they give me hope for a beautiful future, regardless of whether or not I have parents or siblings in my life. My sweet little family of four - they're all I need.

Daddy Dates

Over the weekend, Leland got to have a couple of dates with Daddy.

On Saturday, Dave and I each had some errands to run, so we split up. He took Leland and I took Alden. While they were out, Leland asked Dave if they could "go to a hot dog restaurant and eat at the restaurant." Dave was going to take him somewhere for hot dogs, and then Leland changed his mind and wanted "pizza without pepperoni." (He takes after me. No pepperoni, thank you.)

So they went out for pizza (with sausage).

And then on Sunday, they went out for breakfast together. We had a half off coupon for our favorite breakfast buffet, but since I'm doing the 21 Day Fix, I couldn't have what I really wanted. I didn't want to torture myself by seeing all the things I couldn't have, so I opted out.

Leland was excited about the doughnuts.

Alden had plenty of fun letting dinosaurs swim in his cereal. 

Then a few days later, I went to see my former student's baseball game. I knew the boys wouldn't be okay hanging out at the game, so Dave took them to a nearby school playground to play.

He even let them try the big swings, which I haven't let them do yet. Dads are so fun.

I was a little jealous of the lunch and breakfast dates because I rarely get those with just one of the boys. But I reminded myself that I get dates with both of them all the time. We do so many fun things together during the summer and on school breaks. It was Dave's turn to do something fun.

21 Day Fix

Back in February/March, I completed a whole30 - 30 days of whole foods. No sugar, no dairy, no grain, no processed foods. For me, that process was meant to help me break my sugar addiction. I lost ten pounds in 30 days without any exercise, which was an added bonus, but my goal was to kick sugar to the curb. It worked for a short time, but before I knew it, I was back to shoving mass amounts of chocolate in my mouth on a daily basis. It did help me make better choices overall though. I have done really well at eating more balanced meals and fewer carbs. Filling up on the real food instead of the empty carbs.

Since then, I have gained about 4-5 pounds back. Back then, while I was happy to shed some pounds, I didn't really care about my weight. I didn't love how I looked, but I just didn't care enough to work on it. After Leland, it took me a year to actually give a crap. After Alden, it took a solid 20 months, but I'm finally there. Ready to work on lose some weight and get in shape.

I have been running this summer, which is great exercise, but I know I need more than just running. I really need to strengthen my core (and in the process, maybe tone my tummy a bit), and working on lower body strength will help me with running.

That's where the 21 Day Fix comes in. I have several friends who have completed (and continue to do) this program. They have seen awesome results and seem really happy with the program. So I decided to give it a try.

I'm on day 6 and I'm enjoying it so far. Food-wise, it's different than whole30. On 21 Day Fix, you are allowed a variety of healthy foods, but it's about portion control. On whole30, food choices were more limited, but I was allowed as much as I wanted. So I can have two servings of grain a day, and I can have some cheese or greek yogurt or peanuts. It's not quite as limiting with what I eat, but more about how muchI eat. It's about eating more veggies and protein, and smaller portions of the other stuff.

Each day, I can have 4 red, 3 green, 2 purple, 2 yellow, 1 blue, and 1 orange. Most days I haven't used them all. I usually have an orange or half of another container leftover.

With whole30, I liked most of the meals I made, but Dave didn't quite as much. Also, I feel like there aren't any other options that I would like. So I could do another whole30, but I would pretty much eat all the same things as last time. That's not very exciting. So far, I have found tons of recipes that are Fix-friendly that I think I would love. The ones we have tried so far, we all enjoy!

Favorite so far: burrito bowls

My bowl was overflowing. Trust me, I was satisfied.

Dave's plate - easier to see what's in there.
Recipe here

And unlike whole30, this program involves exercise. Daily exercise. The program comes with a workout DVD and a schedule of when to do which workout. The workouts are only 30 minutes, which has been easy to fit into my day, but they are TOUGH. So far, each workout has had me sweating buckets, and definitely sore the next day. But that's a good sore. I'm excited about it. I may not be able to crouch down or even walk down some stairs without wincing, but I'm excited about it. Because it means I'm really working.

Running is not a 21 Day Fix workout, but I am still trying to keep up with it. So I took my boys out for two slow miles a few days ago.

My goal with this round of 21 Day Fix is to lose around 10 pounds, and to see a difference in my abdomen. I think that's an attainable goal. As of today, I am down 4.5 lbs. Which means I'm at 140 lbs...I haven't been below that since long before having kids. Can't wait to see that scale drop a little more. I know that it's just a number, but it feels good. And I'm already noticing a difference in my arms, quads, and tummy. I like it. A lot.

I can totally see myself continuing the 21 Day Fix after this round, but I will probably need a short break in between. I mean, the fair starts right after this round is over and I will need some greasy, fried goodness before I dive back in.

Cherry Pickin' Fools

Last year, the boys and I had so much fun cherry picking. I was really looking forward to it this year too, and then last week when we were planning to go, the weather wasn't cooperative. We rescheduled for this week, and then by the time the day rolled around, the place we were planning to go was all picked over. No cherries for us.

I was so bummed because it's a really sweet farm, close to home, and they have an area where you can see some of the farm animals. It was a big hit with Leland last year.

Thankfully, here in Traverse City (the Cherry Capital!), there is no shortage of cherry picking options. Yesterday, we found a beautiful orchard on Old Mission Peninsula, with a gorgeous view of East Grand Traverse Bay.

We went with my friend Magi, her boys Fischer and Otto, and my mom.

It was a perfect day for it - sunny and warm, but a nice breeze off the bay, so it wasn't too hot. Magi brought the wagon, which was awesome on the way to the orchard, but it was a little difficult on the walk back up the hill.

Leland was on a mission.

Leland and Fischer spent some time picking, and then enjoyed just running around the orchard.

Alden picked and picked and picked. He also ate and ate and ate. I'm pretty sure he swallowed a few pits. Waiting for a tummy ache now. :(

Really, all the boys ate plenty of cherries. Otto was digging them too.

Magi and Otto

Once we were done, we decided to attempt some pics with our boys. Always an easy task, right? Ha! 

They actually did pretty well with it, until it was my mom's turn. Leland tried to run back to the orchard and Alden wouldn't look at the camera. Sorry mom. Maybe next time.

Next year, I will try to go earlier in the season so we can make it to the same farm we went to last year. Because of the fun extra stuff. And they sell doughnuts. I'm all about the doughnuts. But, if we miss it again, I would not hesitate to head back to this beautiful place again.

Mini Vacay

Last week, my mother-in-law and I took the boys on a mini vacation to visit Dave's brother, Jon, and his wife and kids. They live in Lansing, which is about three hours away. I was nervous about how they would do on the drive there and back, but they did really well, and we had a nice few days visiting.

On the way down, we stopped to see Dave's grandma. I haven't seen her in a long time, and I don't think she's ever met Alden. We visited and had a little snack, and the boy played with a bunch of things that aren't really toys. It was a nice break in the drive so they weren't stuck for three straight hours.

 We don't have a portable DVD player or an iPad or anything to entertain them on trips like these, and I actually prefer it that way. The boys do well with books, toys, and when they get really restless, we give them an applesauce pouch or some crackers and they're just fine.

Once we got to Jon and Danielle's, we spent a lot of time hanging out at their house - chatting and watching the kids play. 

Leland and Kennedi. So cute.

The first night, we took a walk to get ice cream and to see a cute little island park on the Grand River.

Uncle Jon giving Leland a ride on his shoulders.

Sweet girl.

Ha ha...Danielle can't take a serious picture. Funny, since she's a photographer. :)

Cute cousins.

The next day, Danielle brought the girls to our hotel to swim. And then we played more at their house.

Leland loved Kennedi's Jeep. It's his favorite color.

Danielle offered to get some pictures of the boys in her studio. They cooperated for approximately 12 seconds.

We visited a great park nearby too. It was huge and so pretty.

Leland and Kennedi are going down the slide here.

The next day, on our way to Jon and Danielle's, we stopped at a fire station just to look, and one of the firefighters showed the boys around, let them sit in the trucks, and gave them firefighter hats.

Excuse Alden's hand. I barely notice him doing that anymore.

And then we played some more with Kennedi and Elli, and then we had to leave. Our trip was very laid back and I'm so glad because we were able to just hang out together. My boys aren't great hotel sleepers, and Leland didn't nap during our trip, so if we had planned big outings, I'm not sure they would have gone very well. I wish we could make this a weekly event.

The ride back went just as smooth as the ride there. We got stuck in construction traffic, and didn't end up stopping anywhere for the boys to get out, and they still did great. Alden slept for about half of it, which was nice.

But, of course, I have to share a picture of what it looks like when I take my kids to a hotel. The first night, Leland slept with my mother-in-law, and Alden slept with me. The next night, Alden slept in the pack-n-play and Leland slept with me. But at about 6:30am, Alden joined Leland and me, and we looked like this.

Hopefully, we can make it down for another visit before too long. It's hard living so far away from these cool people.

Back to Running

This summer, I have made it a goal to get back into running. I used to run quite a bit before I got pregnant. And after having Leland, I started back into it and even started training for a 10k. Then I got pregnant with Alden, and I haven't run since I was 20 weeks pregnant with him. I tried last summer, but with Alden not sleeping (like ever), I was exhausted and I just didn't have it in me.

But this summer. This summer, I am running. I started shortly after school got out, and my goal was to run a 5k without walking. I figured it would take me all summer to get to that point.

I did a 5k walk a few weeks ago with my friend Courtney, and we pushed the boys in the my double jogger the whole way. It was a very hilly course, so we walked the entire thing, except for about the last tenth of a mile.

But thanks to a great friend pushing and encouraging me, I can now run a 5k without walking.

On Saturday, I completed my first 5k in a LOOOONG time without walking. Well, I guess technically, it wasn't a full 5k because someone made a mistake and the course was a tad short. It was around 2.95 miles instead of 3.1 miles, but whatever. I did it with my friend, Michelle, and we ran our best time yet this summer (this is taking the shortened course into account).

We ran it in 30:44, so I think if it had been the full 3.1, our time would have been close to around 32 minutes. Our goal is to run one in under 30 minutes.

And after that, I think I will start training for a 10k again. Although, if it were up to me, I would be pregnant again by next May when the Bayshore 10k rolls around again (but maybe not too pregnant to run it?). We'll just have to see. In the meantime, I'm happy with my progress and just hope I can keep progressing to meet my time goal.